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Post by umbrella0326 on Jul 6, 2016 20:05:23 GMT -5
A little over a year ago, my wife and I finally accepted that we couldn’t conceive a child. We adopted a beautiful little girl. We used a name in my wife’s family and named her Eva. Eva’s six-year old birthday is next month.
Eva has begun to realize that she looks different than us. She’s black and we’re white. She’s started asking questions about her ‘real mommy’.
Here’s my question – how do I tell her that her biological mother is an active junky, been in jail twice, has no idea who Eva’s biological father is, and has had her other child (Eva’s half-brother) taken away and placed in foster care? Of course we don’t plan on telling Eva this information, but we’ve got to come up with something.
Any suggestions? Anybody been through this kind of thing before?
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Post by deathfromabove on Jul 6, 2016 23:05:34 GMT -5
Umbrella, I think the best thing right now is to tell Eva that even though her real mother love her very much it was she just couldn't take very good care of her and she wanted her to be given the chance to be given the very best in life for years to come and to have parents that love her as if she was one of her own. Later on when she is old enough to understand than you can give her the rest of the story. Just remember that she is only a child and to give her a lot of LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, and RESPECT. Best of luck and God bless you and your wife.
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Post by tarhe on Jul 11, 2016 19:29:02 GMT -5
I concur with DFA. My wife and I also adopted a girl although with a little differrent spin on it. We are white and so is she but otherwise it was sortof the same circumstances. Six-years is a little too young to be laying everything on them but by the time they are around fifth or sixth grade you can gradually fill her in on some of the details. The best thing to do is provide for her needs every day, encourage her to get involved in school activities (ours plays sports)and she will come to appreiciate everything that you do for her. Time flies. We adopted out daughter when she was 8-months old and this year she will start her senior year of high school.
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Post by deathfromabove on Jul 12, 2016 6:34:55 GMT -5
Tarhe, My wife and I was thinking the same thing on what would be a good time to tell a child more about his/her adoption procedures. We were thinking of adopting some children once until we were grace with our two boys. Either way a parent who adopts or is able to have their own our always mightily bless and very lucky to have a child or more to have them.
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Post by umbrella0326 on Jul 13, 2016 16:56:13 GMT -5
Thank you deathfromabove and tarhe. Your suggestions are very helpful. We told her that her mother was unable to care for her and we took her in. That seemed to satisfy her. After we told her, Eva just seemed to accept it and went on to play football with the other neighborhood kids. My wife and I sighed a HUGE collective sigh of relief. And yes, we do plan on explaining more to Eva ONLY IF she asks. So, thank you both - it's very much appreciated.
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Post by deathfromabove on Jul 13, 2016 17:59:18 GMT -5
You are very most welcome. I am glad that both you and Tarhe and your wife's have made that gracious decision to share your lives with another persons child and give them your love, understanding, and caring to these blessed children of god. Tarhe you are gonna find out that since your daughter is a senior this year be with her as much and long as you can cause it will go by faster then you think. To me, it just seems like only yesterday that I was sitting down holding my oldest son in my arms watching my Detroit Tigers playing ball or my Michigan Wolverines or Pittsburgh Steelers playing and even though he was only a few months old I'm explaining every play and analyzing that play. I even did that to my 2nd. borne son. Now my oldest is a senior in college this year and I'm wondering where did the time go because I still have a lot to tell and teach him. God bless the both of you and you guys sound like to me that you are great parents and caring. I hope one of these days that I can meet the both of you.
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Post by umbrella0326 on Jul 31, 2016 12:46:39 GMT -5
One more thing about this topic......
Her birthday is just around the corner. But because we wanted a party, we held the birthday party this past weekend, since her actual birthday is on a weekday.
She wanted a football for her birthday and we got her one. When she opened up the gift-wrapped box and found the football, she was incredibly happy. But for the very, VERY first time, Eva called my wife 'mommy'.
There wasn't a dry eye in the whole house.
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Post by Willard Fillmore on Jul 31, 2016 14:11:27 GMT -5
Not a dry eye here either.
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Post by sportsjock on Jul 31, 2016 18:54:55 GMT -5
So happy for the three of you!
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Post by deathfromabove on Aug 1, 2016 14:02:50 GMT -5
And that there is the reason why our good Lord bless the three of you as a FAMILY. You three my friend enjoy the rest of your lives together as a family forever.
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Post by umbrella0326 on Sept 15, 2016 9:26:40 GMT -5
I sort of owe an apology to the individuals here on North Coast who read this thread. I withheld some information about this whole situation.
There was another major reason why her birthday was so special. Exactly one and a half hours ago, Eva is no longer with us. My wife and I are headed to the funeral home to makke arrangeemments.
Wee can’at conceciev – we can’t’ adopt. God msutn t want tus t o have children..
Do absoluteylly whatever you cann to keeep your childrne healathy. This is afwul. Truly awfuul. Trulyy qawful.
I can’t typa eaany more..
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Post by Buckeye2b on Sept 15, 2016 12:03:31 GMT -5
I am truly so sorry for your loss Umbrella. I can't even begin to imagine the sorrow.
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Post by sportsjock on Sept 15, 2016 14:45:00 GMT -5
I am without words. I can't convey how sorry I am for you and your wife. My prayers are with the both of you.
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Post by NorCal on Sept 15, 2016 14:51:40 GMT -5
I can not conceive of the pain of losing a child. I will be praying for you and your wife.
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Post by Whittaker on Sept 16, 2016 0:08:04 GMT -5
Prayer from here also.
'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' ____Psalm 34:18
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Post by deathfromabove on Sept 16, 2016 6:44:05 GMT -5
Umbrella, My heart is breaking for you and your wife over the news of little Eva. I don't have the words of comfort for you and your wife but our Lord did have a plan and he must known that the two of you would have given her the LOVE of Family that she was really needing even for such a very short time. BLESSED ARE THE CHILDREN OF GOD, FOR THEY ARE WITH HIM. Umbrella if you and your wife ever need help let me know and my family will be there. Tomorrow at Mass I'll light a candle for Eva and your family.
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Post by deathfromabove on Sept 21, 2016 8:39:19 GMT -5
Umbrella how are you and your wife doing? Lit that candle for Eva and your family last Saturday at mass and said a prayer of comfort for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.
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